Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Yakamatsu (x)

Hey, Gabe and I are organizing a pot-luck dinner on his place. Wanna come?
Awwww... you guys are inviting me?? that's so sweet!
[whatever] It'll be Oscar night, we'll do dinner before and watch the show.
Sounds cool.... but who is he?
What do you mean?? It's Gabe... you know him.
No, the other guy.
What other guy?
Oscar... is it his birthday? should I buy a present or anything??
Well?? is it???
I have to go. I need to lay down.

Yakamatsu (ix)

Going out?
Ohhhh... looking nice! Who's the lucky guy???
First floor neighbors.
Oh lala!!
The guy's a 75 year-old man.
Oh... gross!!
He and his wife are taking me out for dinner.
And why aren't they taking ME as well???
Do you even know who am I talking about?
From their mailbox, I know their last name! Hui.
No sweetie, those are the chinese from the second floor. Two dudes. In their 20s.
Still, I can't believe they didn't ask you to invite me. That's rude!!
Do you know their names?
They don't know yours either. You're even. See ya!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Why do I exercise?

0-3 years old: huh?
3-12: Swimming is funnnnnn!!
13-16: I have to, I don't want to fail PhyEd and my mom is dragging me to tennis lessons... ugh!
17-22: Now I want to be a badass tennis player.
23-27: I'm a yuppy and that's what we do, I want to fit the clothes I can afford now.
28-33: He drags me to the gym every-single-f***ing-day.
33-34: I just lost a TON of weight. I want to look good into any piece of rag I try on.
35+: I want to look good naked.