Sunday, September 29, 2013


... and the woman from the other post left.

And there was a farewell party for her.
And she invited me.
And after thinking a million times about attending or not the dinner-thing, I did.
And as I said good-bye to her before leaving the restaurant I gave her a hug and...

"Listen, I truly hope you're happy.
You deserve all the happiness the world has for you.
I'm sorry for anything wrong of hurtful I ever said or did to you.
I don't have anything against you. You were a good friend in the past.
There's a part of me that died, and whoever is left now can't be friends with you.
Have a safe trip and a great life.
I'm not sure if this is a good-bye forever, maybe when I'm alive again, I'll call you and we can catch up on life, but now is not the moment. You'll hurt me and I'll hurt you, I know that.
Someone once told me 'I never used you to be happy, things just happened'... and well, now I'm saying it to you."

All she said was: "Don't... just... don't... you'll make me cry."

"You're crying because you choose to. I'm just saying I'm' sorry and Good-bye.
No one deserves your tears. No one. Don't waste them on someone like me."

And I left.

I have no regrets of what I said. All of it was true.
I don't feel hate or sadness.
As much as I keep thinking I don't think I'll miss her.
Maybe I didn't wanted to be close to her anymore.
Maybe I wanted an easy way out of a relationship and took the first train out of it.

This is how it feels to be heartless, I guess.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

An old whore on the fast lane to hell

That's how my new roommate makes me feel... sometimes.

She's a young and good catholic girl from a very conservative family, from a very conservative town in a very conservative country.
She's my youngest sister's age but sometimes I don't feel like an older sister, but a whoring mother.

Anyway, this girl has to be home by 9pm because... well... because.
Me? I come home at 9pm IF I'm done work by that time.

The girl goes out on weekends and comes back at 10pm because... the streets are dangerous, she says.
Me? the longest I've been out on a weekend is 6am and got a loooong lecture by Mr. Big.

The girl is about to become a Master's in Music but doesn't know who Celia Cruz, Michael Jackson, Metallica or Maroon 5 are because... well... the hell I know!!
Me? don't ask.

The girl thinks every guy that talks to you is a "potential husband" because... I'm scared to ask.
Me? meh... been there, done that. Still, my best friends are men.

The girl thinks when a woman says a guy is cute means she's horny. Don't ask.
Me? It'll take a SUPER hot guy to make me fell... ummmm... nevermind.

The girl thinks the last comments on Mafe and Big's picture are "pornographic"
Me? I still can't believe my girlfriends envy my brand new swimming/spinning legs on shorty-short-shorts!

Oh! this girl will NEVER wear shorts, even on the hottests Summer days. They're too revealing, she says.
Me? well... since the cyber-world likes my legs... gotta give them what they want, right?

The girl thinks religion is the solution to all your problems and should be obeyed, no questions asked.
Me? I was taught to think and question EVERYTHING.

The girl doesn't like my friends' jokes about "sex and those things".
Me? Me loves me posy.

The girl has 3 "cyber boyfriends". She txt's them, Skype's them, email's them daily... but has NEVER been out with ANY of them because... well... [instert WTF-face here].
Me? well... no. I've had gentlemen callers, yes. I've been sxt'ing txt'ing a couple of dudes, yes.I've been on dates, yes. Coffee? movie? dress-up for dinner? mmmmm?... yes.

The girl doesn't know who Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas or any other actor is.
Me? I had an Oscar-watching-dinner party at home this year.

This weekend, I went out with my friends for a post-Oktoberfest party night.

We went to a bar. Packed as always and playing the best 70s and 80s classics anyone can think of. We jumped, danced and scream to the likes of Queen, Jackson 5, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Journey, Vanilla Ice...

And I took her with me.
And.................... never again.
She stormed out a couple of minutes later without saying good-bye because... and I quote "it was full of strangers and all that Heavy Metal and Rock were too much".
Slap on my face.  Is she for real??

She's not a friend. She's not really a roommate. Just my little a social experiment. I decided I'll shoot funky-weird information at her just to see her reactions.
I'm a researcher and science is my life... yeah, right Mafe. Be honest, you're just being a bitch.

Every time I talk with her I feel super old.
Every time I talk about a person from the opposite sex I feel like super slut.
I'm pretty sure she thinks I can't grow devilish fangs and horns because I don't drink milk anymore and there's not enough Calcium on my body..

I'm an old whore driving the bus on the fast lane to hell.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

A name that will never be the same

If you ever try to hit on a girl named Maria... THIS is how you do it.

I went to see "West Side Story" with a friend who's doing his PhD research on musical theater. How cool is that?
This guy is doing research on "West--- Side--- Story"... ha! and I thought my bikes were exciting.
Anyway, as we went to the theater he was explaining little details and fun facts about the play.

My favortite song? MARIA... because yes, I'm narcissistic. I wouldn't have a blog if I wasn't... duh!
You know the song? Maria? the one that goes: 
Maria... I've just met a girl named Maria... and suddenly that name, will never be the same to meeeeee...

Afterwards we went for a drink to KY to the Riverbend and there was a magician playing tricks to people passing by.
A little crowd was standing around him, we stopped for a while to watch his show and out of the blue he asks me to pick a card and asked what my name was.
- Maria
- Maria... I've just met a girl named Maria... and suddenly that name, will never be the same to meeeeee...
My friend joined in song, some other guys around as well. It was SUPER cool.
- [blushhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!]

----- a couple of weeks passed by ----

I went to Opera at the Park with my friend Mafe (yes, we both have the same nickname... double the Mafes, double the fun!!) and the orchestra and the chorus made it cool by mixing opera and musicals. 
My friend and I had front row seats and the soloist got off the stage to sing with the audience, stops in front of us and...
- Maria... I've just met a girl named Maria... and suddenly that name, will never be the same to meeeeee...
Yes, because my life is THAT COOL.

----- two months ago -----

When Mr. Big was visiting he said he wanted to see me in a dress, a girly-dress so I wore one to work on the day he was leaving before driving him to the airport.
Apparently, my dress was vintage Broadway style and I didn't know it.
Yeah, that's how fashionable I am now and I don't know it.

So, this old dude from the office who was on Sabbatical comes and introduces himself while complementing my dress.
- Hi, My name is Zach. What's your name.
- Maria.
- Maria... I've just met a girl named Maria... and suddenly that name, will never be the same to meeeeee...
- Awwwwwwwwwwww!!
Funny thing, the UPS guy walked-in and joined him:
- I've just kissed a girl named Maria... and suddenly I found, how wonderful a sound can beeeeeee...


Today, I turned on the NPR while I was getting ready for work and well... what can I say...

Push play... and enjoy!

The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria...
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word...
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria...

I've just met a girl named Maria,
and suddenly that name, will never be the same... to me.

I've just kissed a girl named Maria,
and suddenly I found, how wonderful a sound... can be.

Say it loud and there's music playing,
say it soft and it's almost like praying.

I'll never stop loving Maria!
The most beautiful sound I ever heard.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

To Sir Elton John...

Hey dude... can I call you dude?
Oh wait, I forgot you're royalty now.

To your royal dudeness,

We've been friends for a long LONG time.
I went to one of your concerts and it was aahhhhh-mazing!!
I'm not going to lie, I don't know all your songs by heart, I know most of them... and I can sing many many MANY of their choruses so, I can't think you can call me a pretty cool fan.

You have a full radio station in my Pandora box... a guy can't ask for more, right??

I have to be honest, I have a terrible problem with your music RIGHT NOW.

Years ago I could go:
Buh-buh-buh-benny and the jets!
Benny!... and the Jets...

And jump around and dance or scream and laugh.
But lately I've been feeling a like someone just pushed me and I'm:
"Exiled here from other worlds,
my sentence comes too soon.
Why should I be made to pay
on the bad side of the moon"?

When my mind fights sad memories, my computer starts being an ass and plays:
My high-flying bird has flown from out my arms
I thought myself (her) his keeper
(S)he thought I meant (her) him harm
(S)he thought I was the archer
A weather man of words
But I could never shoot down my high-flying bird.

And, of course, when I'm home alone I think...
"How it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly slowly"
Hold me closer tiny dancer,
count the headlights on the highway,
lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today"

HA! and don't even get me started on trying to survive listening to THIS because... no:
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'til touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the (wo)man they think I am at home...
I'm a rocket (wo)man
... rocket (wo)man burning out her fuse up here alone.
YOU SEE?!?!?
You're not helping!!!

I truly hope, one of these days I can scream:
Oh, the bitch is back
Stone cold, sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
'cause I'm better than you
It's the way I move
The things I do

But since all I can think of now is:
Don't let the sun go down on me
although I search myself. It's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
but losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Here's the deal, all I'm going to say right now for you right now is:
Goodbye yellow brick road
where the dogs of society howl
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough

I hope you don't mind,
I hope you don't mind...
But you are getting OUT of my Pandora, for a whileeeeeee.

Don't tell him (not that I think you could), but Freddy Mercury MAY be the next on my list.
FYI, Bruno Mars just made a come back to my playlist with a new album. He's forbidden to play some of his song (specially those with videos with dancing monkey's) but he learned the lesson.

Note to self: 
Mafe, tell the doctor those new, improved and stupid 
FALL allergies are stronger than we thought they were. 
You're not making any sense.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Living, leaving, smiling, crying and changing

A couple of years ago I had 3 Colombian roommates: John B, Danny and Mauro.
We were not close friends, but we used to cook together, discuss politics and soccer, go out together from time to time and, most importantly, we respected each other's spaces.

Funny thing? They all had girlfriends/wives that I didn't like at the time. Today, I'm close friends with those THREE girls, all of them exes now: one moved to France and we talk every other week, another other moved to Boston and I was invited to her wedding, the last one moved to Singapore but came back to Cincy and now she's one of my closets bike/knitting "gurls".

You live, you change.

The biggest surprise of the century came two weekends ago when John B. called me and said: "I'm in Cincinnati, what are you doing Friday night? I want to see you! I'm staying at this guy's place, can you come??? please???"
Jaw... to... the... floor...

I was having an after-school girl's dinner party at Shelley's so when I finished there I ran to my house, dropped my backpack, put on some make-up, fixed my hair, changed my horrible t-shirt into a cute top, picked-up the car and drove... drove like hell across the tri-county area to see him.

Oh. My. God!
I never imagined how seeing him would be one of the most emotional moments in a long time in my life.
I got off the car and he was waiting for me at the porch
I played cool and walked towards him but his pace was faster than mine.
He ran to me, and hugged me... and it was sweet.
And he lifted me like in the movies and --- hey! not like that!!! like a brother and sister that reunite after a long time.

You live, you smile.

He said something like: "I'm so happy to see you! I really wanted to see you. Thank you!!!"
I was speechless.
He kept talking: "I heard about what happened to you, the story reached to us in Medellin (the city where he lives). I'm sorry about that. Are you ok, now? is there anything I can do for you?... you look incredible by the way..."
Me? no words.
"You are the sweetest woman I know. Coming all the way from Cincinnati so late at night to see annoying old me... I'm really happy to see you!!"
"I know this past year has been hard for you, and I just want to tell you that we're all praying for you back in Colombia. We were worried but we know you'll be happy again... I'll take care of that, at least this week while I'm here."
"Mafe... are you ok? Mafe... speak!!"

It took me a while to gather my thoughts and all I could say is: It's... I'm just... I'm so happy to see you!!!! I can't believe how happy I am to see you!!!!!

It was true, I never imagined how happy seeing that annoying gentle giant of a dude would make me.

You live, you smile.

He was here the rest of the week, we had lunch one day, dinner another night and a couple of coffee afternoons.

He was one of my "11 male companions" this past Friday, of course!!
Unlike 5 years ago, he was not drinking, we were just talking, talking, talking... he was the designated driver. Say whaaaaaaaaat??
Unlike 5 years ago, he was not in the mood for staying late, he was tired and wanted to go home. 

You leave, you change.

He left this morning, yesterday a friend threw a farewell bbq party for him.
I was there all day with him.

I was truly amazed about how much we talked about everything: our lives, our future, love, friendships, old friends...

But the time came and I had to leave, we had to say good-bye.

He hugged me really tight and said:
" It was really good to see you. Please, let me know if you want to visit my city, I'd love to be as good as a host as you were mine.
Mafe, I'm glad to see you're getting better, little by little. I know you'll be back to normal in no time. You'll see. Forget all your sadness and come back to be the crazy geek I know!
Please forgive me for anything I did in the past, you're like a sister to me. I took your for granted. I'm sorry about that. Let's hope I can make up for lost time from now on."

... and right before my eyes started to "sweat"...

" J.B. you are one of the coolest and funnest friends I'll ever have from Cincinnati.
Sharing a house with you was an incredible adventure. This is not good-bye, just a see you later friend.
You were like a big brother to me, even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye on life, I know you would never let anything bad happen to me. I trusted you with my life! There's nothing to forgive.
I love you dude. Don't be a stranger. Cincinnati, Bogota, the North Pole, Timbuktu, wherever I am, you know you'll always have a place to stay with me. 
I love you dude, really."

... I never imagine I'd make him sniffle.

After our everlasting bear hug, I left.

You live, you leave, you cry, you smile... you change.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

When you don't know what to feel

... get a Smirnoff Ice 6-pack, get hammered, grab your laptop and start typing... riiiiiiiiiiight... here... like this.

Here's the story:

I know this woman (no, it's not me, it's actually a girl I know), who used to be a very close and good friend of mine but after a Lemony Snicket's époque in my life, I can't even stand to be in the same room as her.
Why? because I'm a bitch... that's why. Or, at least she thinks so.

By the way! I found out that now can say "bitch" without regrets in clear view and not caring if anyone else hears me... as long as there's someone around to blame.
[cue fog to memory from last night as my colorful example of drunk bravery]
I screamed "DON'T NEED TO BE BUTCH HERE... BITCH!!" to a girl that pushed me on the street as I was leaving a very distinguished eating establishment at 4am in the morning with 11 male companions. 
Bitch wouldn't even dare come near me. HA!
... maybe the 11 male companions had something to do with that...  I wonder...

Anyway, as I was saying...

This woman brought out the bitch in me and, to be honest, I don't know if I'm supposed to be angry, disappointed, sad, scared, super scared, happy or incredibly pissed.

And just because I'm a list-making-geek...

ANGRY: Yes, we had a disagreement, I'm not going to talk about that here. It'll be too annoying BUT, the only people I've talked about it are people that don't know her. Actually, it was only Mr. Big, and I did it because I was looking for friendly advice. Honestly! The bitch started talking behind my back to our mutual friends and now I'm sure half of them think I'm the bad guy.

DISAPPOINTED: Because of the same reasons I'm angry. She used to be my friend and recently I found out she's been making sad puppy eyes to our friends and asking them to insinuate that I should make an effort and ask for forgiveness... bitch please!

SAD: she's leaving the country, for good so... well... it'll be like dying but not that bad and I don't want to leave unfinished business there. I don't want paranormal activity around my apartment.

HAPPY: ding! dong! the bitch is gone!!! yay!!!!

... ok no, as the friends we used to be, I'm happy she finally decided to do SOMETHING about her sad life. She was clearly unhappy and lonely around here so... well, yeah, I'm happy for her.

SCARED: this is going to sound bad... and mean... and judgemental but I think the woman went all lesbian on me!! I'm pro equal rights and all that BUT don't get confused please... dude, don't start txt'ing me at 3am on a Sunday with things like "why are you acting funny?", "we need to talk", "you know you're one of my closest friends...", "I can't believe your attitude is upsetting me this much!"... and... no! nonononono, N-O, NO.
Don't expect me to act normal the next time I see you.
The worst part? she's not a lesbian.

SUPER SCARED: last night she showed up at the bar I was with my 11 male companions (no, it was not an orgy, it's actually a cute story) and walked through the door at the same time her EX (one of my 11 male companions), hugged me, kissed my forehead and said something that I remember to be like "Marry me Mafe? we can't let you leave the country, you're too cute and too funny to leave us!!"
Two things: 
1. After a couple of tequila shots I start hearing things. 
2... I think she wants to kill me now.

INCREDIBLY PISSED: because I'm actually writing crap about her. I should be worrying about more interesting stuff, or at least something a little more grey-matter-demanding but nooooooo... Mafe has to over-think about shitty stuff like this because she has an overloaded life plate and an extra serving of drama is not going to do any harm, right?

Sure. Go home Mafe, you're drunk.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A smashing reality

I cracked my head open a couple of months ago. Three stitches on my forehead, bruises and a sore body.
Today, all that's left is a Harry Potter scar I've learned to ignore and disguise with make-up. The doctor said it'll go away with time.

Time heals all wounds.

It better be true.

Today, I ran into this annoying dude who thinks TOO much of himself.
He used to wear tight skinny jeans... burgundy and mustard color skinny jeans. Ugh!!
We I used to make fun of him and his accent. And his teeth... pfff!! disgusting. How can anyone like something like that!?!?!

Today I ran into him. He was wearing skinny jeans.

Dark blue skinny jeans.

... and a super tiny tight Batman t-shirt.

I wanted to take a picture and send it to someone to share the laughs, but then again... dead people don't talk.

And once again, I smashed my face against reality.

I wonder how many stitches will my brain and my heart need to get used to a reality that's getting too hard to get used to.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Nemo goes rogue

This past Friday two guy-friends, D and G, took Shelley and I out to play pool because they were going to teach us how to... or so they thought.

Mafe wins the fist game:

Well, look at you! you learn fast. Congratulations!!
Yay me!!!!!

Mafe wins the second game by fantasy-jumping for the 8-ball ...

You... are... a... SHARK!!!
Say whaaaaat??!?!
You're a "Pool Shark"
What are you talking about? I'm a baby guppy.
"Pool Shark" a horribly good player that pretends NOT to know how to lower everyone else's guard.
Nah... beginner's luck.
Beginner's luck could get you a couple of dollars... this just got you 2 glasses of wine, a cocktail, a mega burger, chicken wings, french fries, ice cream and cheesecake. You are a SHARK.

Mafe wins the third game:

Be honest, how long have you been playing?
[sigh]... My dad and my grandfather taught me when I was six and we had a Pool table at the Summer house. My sisters and I use to trick people into thinking they could beat us, also, when I was in College always won to---
Dude, I won, fair and square. You guys wanted to teach little ol' me... you never asked if I knew how to play.
That's the exact meaning of the expression "Pool Shark": draw us in and then bite our heads off!
Don't be a cry baby. Next game: all or nothing. What do you say??
You're on.

And right after I won the forth game...

Don't... no.... not.... NO! get away from me. Don't talk to me.
Pffffffffff!!! How is that name that you want to call me? Nemo?
No. No. No. No... I am Nemo. You are Moby Dick!!
That's a whale, not a sha---- WAIT!! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!?!
Ohhhh-nononononono! I'M THE VICTIM HERE!!

Monday, September 2, 2013

One word

The end of a lazy Labor day... a lazy meme...

Answer the following questions with ONE WORD only:

Where is your cell phone? BEDSIDE
Your partner? MYSELF
Your hair? BROWN
Your mother? STRENGTH
Your father? SUPPORT
Your favorite material object? MACARITO
Your dream from last night? TWISTED
Your favorite drink? JUICE
Your dream car? PRIUS
The room in which you are right now? MINE
Your ex? 
What do you want to be in 10 years? HOME
With who did you spend last night? RANDY
What are you not? MANIPULABLE
What did you do last night? FIREWORKS
What's the last thing you did before this? CVS
What are you wearing? YELLOW
Your favorite book? CONSPIRACIES
The last thing you ate? HUMMUS
Your mood? WEIRD
Your friends? FULFILLING
What are you thinking about right now? DEFENSE
What are you doing right now? CANDLELIGHT
Your summer? STRESSFUL
What's on your tv? DVD
The last time you laughed? FIREWORKS
The last time you cried? SHOWER
School? ENOUGH
What are you listening to? BEATLES
Your favorite weekend activity? SLEEPING
Dream job? DOT
Your computer? MACARITO
Just outside your window? PINE-TREE
Beer? NO
Mexican Food? PLEASE!
Religion? INTIMATE
On your bed? PILLOWS