Sunday, September 15, 2013

When you don't know what to feel

... get a Smirnoff Ice 6-pack, get hammered, grab your laptop and start typing... riiiiiiiiiiight... here... like this.

Here's the story:

I know this woman (no, it's not me, it's actually a girl I know), who used to be a very close and good friend of mine but after a Lemony Snicket's époque in my life, I can't even stand to be in the same room as her.
Why? because I'm a bitch... that's why. Or, at least she thinks so.

By the way! I found out that now can say "bitch" without regrets in clear view and not caring if anyone else hears me... as long as there's someone around to blame.
[cue fog to memory from last night as my colorful example of drunk bravery]
I screamed "DON'T NEED TO BE BUTCH HERE... BITCH!!" to a girl that pushed me on the street as I was leaving a very distinguished eating establishment at 4am in the morning with 11 male companions. 
Bitch wouldn't even dare come near me. HA!
... maybe the 11 male companions had something to do with that...  I wonder...

Anyway, as I was saying...

This woman brought out the bitch in me and, to be honest, I don't know if I'm supposed to be angry, disappointed, sad, scared, super scared, happy or incredibly pissed.

And just because I'm a list-making-geek...

ANGRY: Yes, we had a disagreement, I'm not going to talk about that here. It'll be too annoying BUT, the only people I've talked about it are people that don't know her. Actually, it was only Mr. Big, and I did it because I was looking for friendly advice. Honestly! The bitch started talking behind my back to our mutual friends and now I'm sure half of them think I'm the bad guy.

DISAPPOINTED: Because of the same reasons I'm angry. She used to be my friend and recently I found out she's been making sad puppy eyes to our friends and asking them to insinuate that I should make an effort and ask for forgiveness... bitch please!

SAD: she's leaving the country, for good so... well... it'll be like dying but not that bad and I don't want to leave unfinished business there. I don't want paranormal activity around my apartment.

HAPPY: ding! dong! the bitch is gone!!! yay!!!!

... ok no, as the friends we used to be, I'm happy she finally decided to do SOMETHING about her sad life. She was clearly unhappy and lonely around here so... well, yeah, I'm happy for her.

SCARED: this is going to sound bad... and mean... and judgemental but I think the woman went all lesbian on me!! I'm pro equal rights and all that BUT don't get confused please... dude, don't start txt'ing me at 3am on a Sunday with things like "why are you acting funny?", "we need to talk", "you know you're one of my closest friends...", "I can't believe your attitude is upsetting me this much!"... and... no! nonononono, N-O, NO.
Don't expect me to act normal the next time I see you.
The worst part? she's not a lesbian.

SUPER SCARED: last night she showed up at the bar I was with my 11 male companions (no, it was not an orgy, it's actually a cute story) and walked through the door at the same time her EX (one of my 11 male companions), hugged me, kissed my forehead and said something that I remember to be like "Marry me Mafe? we can't let you leave the country, you're too cute and too funny to leave us!!"
Two things: 
1. After a couple of tequila shots I start hearing things. 
2... I think she wants to kill me now.

INCREDIBLY PISSED: because I'm actually writing crap about her. I should be worrying about more interesting stuff, or at least something a little more grey-matter-demanding but nooooooo... Mafe has to over-think about shitty stuff like this because she has an overloaded life plate and an extra serving of drama is not going to do any harm, right?

Sure. Go home Mafe, you're drunk.


  1. I confess I laughed must of the time with each feeling of yours. I feel so connected, I know it is weird, but you know I am your other you in the parallel universe right? It feels weird.

    1. No Lolo! you stopped being my other me in a parallel universe more than a year ago. I wouldn't want you to be me... nonononono!

      Still, it's weird.


Keep talking... I'm listening.