Polyglot storytelling

I just found out I can't write stories in English.

I can write a lot, A WHOLE LOT in Spanish.
I can be funny in English, but I'm funnier in Spanish.
I can write full and colorful stories in Spanish, but I can only ponder in English.

In Spanish, my writing can make grown men cry (score!)
In Spanish, I'm working on a love story and just got THIS review:
"I want to hug you [the main character], two seconds later I want to just scream at you. Right after that, you deserve a pat on the head, a minute later I just want to shoot you... but honestly, I can't stop laughing!!"
Music to my ears.


On the other hand, and against all odds, I can write "attention-catching-and-interestingly sexy" paragraphs in English (or so I've been told)... but in Spanish, those come out as ridiculous (yes, I've been told. D'oh!).

I speak a little French. Enough to sing "Je l'aime a mourir", "Rien de rien" and "L'hymne a l'amour" by heart, ask where the Champs Elisées are and order a café au lait. I can have a slow and lame conversation with a french person about colors, numbers and months or the year... but I can't write!!

German? well, all I know, from 11 years ago, besides the wordly-known "Ich liebe dich" and "kuss mich, mein liebe" is that someone took my name MAFE and turned into M.Affe and then Meine Affe. It was cute, and funny I guess. It had something to do with Harry Potter, or The Lord of the Rings... I don't remember. 
The same guy used to called his father "Vater" and since I didn't know much by then, I was convinced it was the old man's name. Don't tell me that's not a disaster waiting to happen!!! As of today, Herr Vater still emails and talks to me on Skype. Why? I'm the kind of girl you introduce to your parents and they LOVE, of course! [false advertisement is HIGHLY acclaimed on this blog. Sue me]
Writing? not a chance, I tried to learn German a long time ago and never went back after 2 classes. Still, I was able to go to the Goethe Institut dance parties, but apparently there are some things you cannot learn by osmosis.

Italian? Donne du ru ru, in cerca di guai. Donne a un telefono che non suona mai. Donne, du ru ru... Neri Per Casso, that's all I know. Oh, and some really helpful curse words only a few people can understand.
Writing may be dangerous for the human eye.

Portuguese? mmmm... what can I say? My heart was melted and fell in love with a Portugues--- LISTENING to a Portuguese song. Yeah, a song. 
I've been able to read three (three!!) entire books in portuguese. My speaking is not that bad, I think. I've survived four times in Brazil and was able to hail a cab, order "Caipirinhas" and ask for discounts on "saias". No more. 
According to my sources, my writing can be compared to "Antediluvian Mesopotamian". Impossible to understand so... yeah, that's not going to happen in the near future.

Useless pondering rambling, that's all I know how to do in English.
I guess there's hope it'll be enough to convince the world I can be a real "Expert in Transportation Engineering"... some day soon.