Thursday, June 6, 2013

Talking to myself

My friend Shelley is my best friend here.
She's the first one I told I was coming back to Cincy with a broken heart a year and a half ago.
She's the one that picked me up at the airport the moment I landed with two pieces of luggage, a camping backpack a carry-on, a purse and eyes full of tears.
She's the one that kept my head afloat and took me to a psychologist to help heal my wounds, sat me down and helped me bring my feet back on the ground.
She hugged me and kept me company.
She helped me find a roommate and a place to live.
She listened every time I wanted to talk about the exact same thing: Him.
She said things I needed to say and what I didn't want to hear.

I owe most of my happiness to Shelley.

Shelley's husband moved out of their house last week.
They are getting a divorce.
Shelley's heart is devastated.

Now is my turn to keep Shelley company; to help her pick up the pieces of a shattered heart and help her to put them together and learn to be happy again.
It's my turn to show her the city under different lighting: "single girl lights".
No, we're not going crazy... too crazy... yet.

Talking and listening to Shelley is like talking and listening to myself.
Who said that? Was it Shelley? Was it me?
Did Shelley or Mafe said that a year and a half ago? or was it a month ago?... last week... yesterday?

I miss him... It's hard to live without him but I must learn.
I hate him for not fighting for something so fulfilling and happy and... [sad puppy face].
I feel like a huge piano has been lifted from my back.
Since then, all my sleepless nights went away.
I'm too much for him to handle.
I helped him get to where he is... and this is the thanks I get?!?
He's dead to me. 
No, I don't miss him in bed... I miss talking to him. 
I'm the mean one, I lead him away from me, if he doesn't want me back it'll make sense.
It was my fault.
He's my best friend. I miss my best friend.
No, I'm not happy... but I think I found peace.
Sometimes I just want to call him and say "Are you watching Colbert tonight?!?! my stomach hurts from laughing so hard!!!".
This is the end. I have to face it, we're not meant to be together.
I can't do it! I need him!
I've moved on.
That son of a b*&*^&... I hate him!!
I love him.

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Keep talking... I'm listening.