That's gonna leave a mark

That's what HE said. He, the nurse at the ER a couple of days ago.

This week, my life turned into a Lemony Snicket's fairy tale: "A Series of unfortunate events":

I've been playing sand volleyball for a couple of weeks now, as training for the fall season tournament. I might make the team this year again (I'm sure I'll twist a wrist or break a finger again but... blah!).
My body's a little sore.

On the day it happened, it wasn't raining in the morning so I biked to work, like everyday BUT, unlike everyday, I didn't take my helmet because my hair was damp and I didn't wanted it to possibly stink when I got to the office.
Mr. M: Parce, I told you vanity was going to kill you one of these days... but I wasn't trying to be literal.
[never again]

Among the new weird things in my life: I am now allergic to yellow peaches, I eat one of those and my face starts to itch and swell, my head hurts and my hands shake. I can only eat white peaches now.
Funny thing: a lady from the office brought some yellow peaches from her farm and gave us one each. I took a bite and nothing happened, and another one, and another one... nothing. YAY!!
[never again].

I look outside my office window. It's raining cats and dogs!!
Five minutes later it'd stopped.
'dafuc!?!?!

Done with work for the day I head to the lab to work on my "magic" GIS maps "now you see them, now you don't". I model them into amazing things and the next day, they disappear... I'm a GIS magician!!!
Anyway, as I start working the yellow peach starts acting and yeeeech!! face itches, hands shake, head hurts... add it to my sore body from the volleyball and... ugh!!!

I can't focus. I'm seeing blurry... man, I feel sick. really sick. I'm going home.

I pack my things and head home, 3 hours earlier than usual [never... again?]
I decide to make it a "slow stroll around the park", maybe the cool air will be good for my weird allergy reaction. My head really hurts.

I'm riding on the sidewalk, which I don't normally do but it was raining minutes before, the grass is slippery, the sidewalk is not.
An old lady is heading my way, I have to get off the sidewalk and get on the grass.
When I try to re-route and get on the side-walk again I lose control of my bike.
I crash into a parked car, face-first going downhill. No helmet on.

I imagine the hit was hard and loud, because people I didn't see on my way came running to help and offered to call an ambulance, firemen... or something.
I'm laying on the sidewalk holding my head, with my eyes closed saying: No no, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.

I try to stand up but they won't let me: "Wait a little bit, are you dizzy? sit down, rest a little"
[What are they talking about? I'm fine!]

A girl comes running saying she's a nurse, she can take me to the hospital. Another guy says he can take my bike to the university so I can pick it up in a couple of days when I leave the hospital.
WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?!?!? I'M FINE!!!!
Yeah, right.
I open my eyes and see my hands all covered in blood.
Oh my God.

I stand up and thank the people around me but I really want to go home and clean myself. I can walk, I'm just 2 blocks away from my apartment. Please let me go. My head hurts but I don't think it's because of the peach anymore.

They offer me and my bike a ride but I'm not comfortable letting a bunch of strangers know where the stupid "Transportation Engineer, bike safety studious who doesn't wear a helmet" lives, so I walk. I'm holding my head with one hand and my bike with the other.

I got home and finally look at myself in the mirror... Oh my God. MY FACE!

I call Shelley, she's too far to take me to the hospital. It's rush-hour, it'll take her at least an hour and a half to get here and I'm bleeding and it looks bad.
I call Mr. M., he's proctoring an exam... can't leave his classroom.
I call my former roommie (we're friends again), no answer.
I call my neighborly dude, N., I know he's at the gym at this hour but... he picks up!! He'll be here in 2 minutes!! Oh thank you baby Jesus!!!

My beige top is red with blood and so are my jeans. I have to change before N shows up!! I can't go out like this!!
Poor Shelley, freaking out calls to check on me: Get your purse ready, wallet? ID? get your insurance card ready, car ke--- no wait... you're not driving!! get some ice and put it on your face, talk to me... don't fall asleep until the doctor says so!! Give N. a copy of your house keys, we may need them to get something for you if you need to spend the night at the hospital... you're not talking... what's wrong!?!?! TALK TO ME!!!
- Shelley, I'm fine, it wasn't THAT bad. I look like a stupid version of Harry Potter, that's all.
- Well... at least you know what you did was dumb.
- Don't worry. I'll be home in a couple of hours.

At the hospital, I was laughing and making jokes with the doctors. Maybe it was the shock of seeing my face broken or the fact that I was not rushed which made me believe things were not too serious.

The doctor at the triage unit: It's not that bad, it's not like I can see your skull through that hole on your forehead. You'll be fine. 
That's reassuring.  
On a scale from 1 to 10, how bad does it hurt?
Six... six and a half.
You're an engineer, right?
How did you know?
NORMAL PEOPLE say one, five or ten... engineers tend to say what you just said. See? you'll be fine.
Thanks!... I guess.
The orthopedist: Just checked your X-rays, you didn't break your neck, you just smashed your face... and demolished your ego. Don't worry, no broken bones, just VERY swollen muscles.
The surgeon: That's going to need stitches! I'll be right back... don't move!!!
The male-nurse: That's gonna leave a mark. Doctor S. is good but THAT's gonna leave a mark.
Oh... HELL NO!!!
Do you want me to take a picture of the suture for Facebook?
I'm not on Facebook. 
WHAT?!?!... Doctor, you'll have to check this one for concussions.

What if I say Twitter, Instagram?
Oh... ok, you're fine then. Don't worry doctor, she's a geek with a smart phone, that's all.
Don't make me laugh man, my face hurts!

The surgeon: I don't think you'll be able to ride a bike... ever... again...

WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?
If you don't promise you'll wear your helmet I won't let you ride again. I can lend you mine if you want to.
Awwww... ahem... is there a Mrs. Surgeon?!?!?!

I honestly don't remember when or how exactly did he shot all the Lidocaine from the bottle I saw into my face but I was completely numb until the next morning.

Stitches on my forehead.
Dark bruises on my legs and arms.
A swollen "everything else".
A tetanus shot.
A broken ego.
A hard-learned lesson on bike safety.
A broken nail--- oh crap!

My bike? as if nothing had happened. Mafe's body took the impact!! Lucrecia is just fine!!

How come I don't dream about my own accidents?? Not fair.
Maybe someone dreamed about me and my Franken-Mafe face... I wonder...

The surgeon dude says my stitches will have to stay on 6-7 days, so they'll come off Monday, until then: no drinking [whatev's!], no rough or sweaty movements [Ha! I wish!], no dancing [wtf?], no swimming [d'oh!], no volleyball [double-d'oh!], no biking long distances [Are you f***ing kidding me?!?!] and no bubble baths [as if!! I am SO gonna cry now!!!] - pffffffff!!!

I have Opium medicine for the pain and to help me sleep at night, Ibuprofen for my headaches and something else for little dosages during the day for body ache. Which are not very effective by the way because yeah, when my body realized it was time to wake up from the Lidocaine every single muscle started to hurt.
In theory I can walk, I can breathe... I can move. Nothing's broken of twisted.
In reality? I can't walk! I can't move! I can't even smile or frown because of the stitches on my face. Sleeping hurts and seeing blood on my pillows the morning was not pretty  ... :(
Have you never thought how important your forehead is when you take a shower? VERY!!!
Getting dress is painful, fixing my hair is painful, putting make-up because I need to hide the swelling on my face is super hard, my ribs feel as if I've been working out non-stop, being on the computer is painful...
Thinking is... complicated, the pain killers make me woooooozy and had put my thesis on slow gear.
I've been writing this post for 3 days now, which is something that normally takes me 10 minutes.
Yay for Opium??

Now I understand... when the surgeon said DON'T DO ANYTHING, he didn't mean I was not allowed to, but I wasn't going to be able to DO ANYTHING.

All this from a simple collision. I don't want to imagine what would have happened if the car was moving or if I was actually on the street.
- You're lucky to be alive -, said one of the female nurses, - bicycle accidents without a helmet have a high risk of physical trauma -.
[never again]