Monday, June 29, 2015

Psychology's my jam... or not

Apparently, I look like a Psychologist... or a terrorist negotiator.

There's this boy, who's a friend (oooo0o0o0o0hhhh!!!! ---no, it's not what you think), who has a sister to went to Paris for a Master's 4 years ago. She called a couple of weeks ago, she's not coming back.
I don't understand why, but he's going crazy.

In a very strange state of mind, he called me for moral support.
He invited me to his house to talk some sense into her.
He was going to call her (or Skype her, or whatever) and I was supposed to convince her to come back home.
Problem was, at the time I agreed to do it, I didn't know the entire story.
I went to his place mostly for the booze.

Of course, before talking to the girl, I asked some background questions and well... this happened:

Me: Why are you so angry?
O: She PROMISED she was going to be back after 2 years. What is she doing there?
Don't ask me, have you asked her?
No... but really, what is she doing there?
Dude... she's living in Paris... France... Europe... 
She needs to start acting like an adult, she must take command of her life!
.... ohh... take command of HER life... and do what YOU want... right?
(shut up!)

Why doesn't she come back home? she'll have a roof over her head here!
OMG... is she homeless??
No, she has a little tiny apartment. 
But she has a place she can afford by herself, right?
Yeah, but if she were here, she'd be living with my mom, with a maid and a cook. She'll have EVERYTHING!
I see... hey... do you like this apartment?
I love it!!
How hard was it to find it... furnish it?
Oh... really hard.
How big is this place?
It's tiny... nothing big.
What would you say if your mom told you to get rid of it, live with her, with a maid and a cook. So you can have EVERYTHING!
I'd be ma---- shut. up.

She's not a little girl anymore, she's been there for 4 years. Don't you think it's about time she settles down?
How old are you?
This is a nice place... 
Are you 100% happy with your life? work? paycheck? love?
Well... no.
So, you're not done yet.
When I met you 15 years ago you were really struggling... so in 2 years she's supposed to do what you haven't been able to do in over 16 years. Why?
(shut up!)

She says she's happy there, how can she be happy without her family?
How can se be happy with a group of people that belittles her?
She's a spoiled brat. She gets mad every time I write on her Facebook wall: "Sissy, You'll always be my baby"
And still, you DEMAND for her to act like an adult... smart move man.

She's my baby sister, she's not supposed to suffer. She's a princess. She's my little dove.
OH... C'MON!!! I'm gonna puke from all that corny!!
But it's true!
Don't you want your sister to be a strong, independent, reliable, incredibly smart woman?
My little angel.
You're an ass.
Don't make the call, I'm not talking to her.
But... it's my birthday, do it as a present for me
(Oh fuck) ---- No man, not going to happen. I'll bake you a birthday cake, I'll take you out... right now, but I won't make the call.
I'll make the call.
Good! You make the call, ask her about her life. Ask her what is she doing... tell her you're PROUD of her and all she's accomplished.
I can't lie.
It's not a lie, I know deep down you're proud of her.
I won't lie
You're an ass... and I'm not going to bake you a cake or take you out.


Apparently, it was a win/win/win situation.
A couple of weeks later the sister got a phone call from the brother letting her know how proud he was of her... and how much he respected her decisions; the brother got a little peace of mind, and most importantly; the terrorist negotiator got a dinner invitation... yay!

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